Learn about what self-esteem is and how you can achieve higher self-esteem in your life
Self-esteem represents the foundation that supports the relationship you have with yourself. It carries over into every aspect of life. If you’re reading this, you probably value this relationship and may want to build your self-esteem. By the end of this post, you should have a better understanding of self-esteem and ways to improve it. Your relationship with yourself is the most valuable one you have and it impacts all your other relationships greatly too. After all, you will always wake up with yourself and go to bed with yourself!
A healthy mind
Let’s start with a simple definition. Most psychological theories agree that self-esteem refers to your evaluation of yourself (Mruk, 1995). Self-esteem can also be thought of as how much you like, approve of, or value yourself. Self-esteem can be applied to you globally (e.g., “On the whole, I am satisfied with myself”; Rosenberg et al., 1995) or to specific domains of your life (e.g., “I am good at my job and I’m proud of that”). Research shows that although self-esteem is relatively stable over one’s life, it is by no means fixed or unchangeable (Orth & Robins, 2014).
What Is Low Self-Esteem?
Having low self-esteem corresponds to negative evaluations of yourself. Put differently, if you have low self-esteem, you generally don’t hold yourself in a positive light.
You tend to be more critical of yourself. You might get stuck in loops of negative self-talk, telling yourself things like, “I’m worthless”, “I could never succeed at this”, or “I’m not smart enough”. This can bring up feelings of anxiety, sadness, or hopelessness.
Self-esteem develops over your lifespan. It is thought that the beliefs you hold about yourself play a role in developing low self-esteem. The stronger the beliefs, the harder it may be to break the negative thought patterns that are associated with low self-esteem. It is possible though – hypnotherapy is an amazingly powerful way to find your negative beliefs and change them. Many of my clients have underlying low self-esteem and it is wonderful to see them letting go of old negative beliefs about themselves and standing in their own light of self-acceptance. love and appreciation.
Here are a few examples of beliefs that characterise low self-esteem:
● Worthlessness: “I’m worthless”
● Inadequacy: “I am not good enough”
● Pessimism: “I don’t have a bright future”
● Failure: “I fail at everything I do”
● Negative traits: “I am boring”, “I am ugly”
Be very careful of what follows the words “I am…” – they are creative, try to keep anything following “I am” positive, and change your phrases. For example my body is tired, or I’m not sure if I can do that yet, I need to learn a few things first (as opposed to I can’t do it).
Here are a few signs of low self-esteem. The person…
● Tends to be self-critical
● Is sensitive to criticism from others
● Focuses on failures
● Socially withdraws
● Is pessimistic
What Causes Low Self-Esteem?
Although there are a variety of factors that play a role in self-esteem, here are a few factors that may make it more likely for someone to develop low self-esteem:
1. Early childhood experiences: Experiences of abuse, neglect, or bullying at a young age powerfully shape self-esteem. Children who go through these traumatic experiences can form the belief that they are a bad person who deserved this treatment.
2. Expectations of others: If you feel that you failed to meet the expectations of others (e.g., parents’ standards), this can become a belief that you are a failure. It’s important to remember that these expectations may not have been realistic in the first place.
3. Peer groups: During adolescence, the pressure to fit in is very high. Since this is a time where your identity is forming, not fitting in or feeling left out can impact self-esteem.
4. Lack of warmth or love: Although negative traumatic experiences play a large role in low self-esteem, it is possible that not having positive experiences can also play a role. If you don’t receive affection or encouragement, especially at a young age, it is possible to form the belief that you’re not good enough.
How to Build Self-Esteem
1. Live Consciously
Self-esteem is rooted in your ability to live consciously and focus on what is happening in the current moment, without ruminating on the past or overthinking the future. Read my post on mindfulness for some suggestions.
2. Practice Self-Acceptance
This involves accepting yourself unconditionally and showing yourself compassion across different situations (e.g., when you make a mistake).
3. Practice Self-Responsibility
When you practice self-responsibility, you recognize that you are in charge of your choices and behaviours. Because of this, you don’t blame others for your own choices and don’t expect others to make choices for you. At the end of the day, you are in charge.
4. Practice Assertiveness
It is important to honour your needs in an appropriate way by practicing self-assertiveness. It’s okay to put yourself first and let this be known to people in your life.
5. Live Purposefully
Having a sense of purpose is the antidote to feeling worthless. When you live purposefully, you have goals that you want to achieve and make a plan to do this. You live life with these goals in mind.
6. Live with Integrity
This pillar of self-esteem focuses on your moral compass. When you lead a life with personal integrity, you act in line with your values and live an authentic life (Branden, 1995).
In Summary
If you have low self-esteem, it can be challenging to shift your mindset. But it is possible and once you start the tide turning it will become easier. There are ways to start viewing yourself in a more positive light and as a result, improve your life. This is personal work that you will always benefit from, as having a better relationship with yourself improves all aspects of your life. Please reach out for assistance if you’re finding it difficult on your own.
References
● Branden, N. (1995). The six pillars of self-esteem. Bantam Doubleday.
● Mruk, C. (1995). Self-Esteem: Research, Theory, and Practice. Springer.
● Orth, U., & Robins, R. W. (2014). The development of self-esteem. Current directions in psychological science, 23(5), 381-387.
● Rosenberg, M., Schooler, C., Schoenbach, C., & Rosenberg, F. (1995). Global self-esteem and specific self-esteem: Different concepts, different outcomes. American Sociological Review, 141-156.